Friday, August 6, 2010

I Will NOT Cry...I Will NOT Cry...I Will NOT Cry

The time has arrived, what time is that you may ask.  My last chapter in Homeschooling.  It's bitter/sweet; if there is such a thing.  Bitter for me...Sweet for Cale.  He is so anxious to be finished with school.  Cale has been an excellent student, obedient, hard working, BUT books, writing, and times spent inside is not his idea of a fun day.   Noelle was right the opposite.  She ADORED and still ADORES books, writing, and time spent inside.  When Noelle graduated in 2007, I didn't have this hard of a time.  She was planning to take some time off from school and just continue working as a part time nanny and waitress until she figured out what she wanted to do.  She had put some applications in at banks and a library, but was still uncertain as to what she would do.  I knew she'd still be around; we could still share our love of books, homemaking, movies, etc.  I was a bit emotional due to it seeming as if it were just yesterday that she was beginning school, but other than that, I was good.   I AM NOT GOOD this time around!  IT is over, done with, ca put!  Homeschooling is nearing a past life for me, history!  My great love is coming to an end.  I'm sure I will be blogging a good bit about homeschooling and my love for it and the love I have for being a stay at home mother with my children.  ( Writing about it is CHEAP THERAPY!)  I am well aware of all the advise that is out there:  1.  This time comes to us all.  2.  You are still their mother.  3.  They will still need you.  4.  Now, you can do things YOU want to do.  5.  You won't be tied down.  6.  Go back to school.  7.  Get a job.  8.  This is just a part of life.  9.  You should feel accomplished and thankful. 10.  You HAVE to let go!   I do not need advise; I know all of those 10 facts I listed; I just need my babies back!  I don't live in La La land.  I know that is NOT going to happen.  You see, I felt a calling from God to be a wife and mother.  It's not popular anymore to JUST be a wife and mother, but I feel like in God's eyes, I have done what I could.  I have run my race, I am about to finish my this chapter of it.  Being a stay at home wife and mother has never ever been a burden or drudgery.  It has been a calling in this life. Even when people have tried to discourage me and make me feel inadequate to other women with educations and well paid jobs, I have tried to stand firm and keep my focus on God's will for me and my family.  I have said many times that I'd have to step down to be First Lady of this great country.  I know I am not going to curl up and die or anything. I know I will not be bored.  I know there are many things for me to continue to do as a pastor's wife, mother, daughter, friend, citizen, etc.  I just can't imagine loving anything more.  I apologize if I'm sounding pitiful.  I'm not pitiful, just very emotional at this present time.  I won't be crying my eyes out, at least for a while. I don't foresee time to do that until after May of 2011.  School begins Monday morning, Cross Country begins Tuesday afternoon.  Church activities, family, friends, birthdays, Christmas, Senior portraits, graduation invitations, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and those unexpected activities will keep us all quite busy the next nine months.


BECKY said...

Hi Sweet Liesa,
I will be praying for you in this area. I know how our hearts can just ache when these huge milestones come our way. I am dealing with some minor ones myself and one major one as Maddy begins to enter into her teenage years. It has happened so very fast that it makes my head spin.

I love that God called me to be a SAHM as well. It has it's moments like everything else, but the rewards...oh they are so very rich and fulfilling.

I am cherishing the next 7 years with Maddy and making the most of each one.

You and I truly are kindred spirits, dear friend. I look so forward to meeting you one day!!

Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Know how much I treasure you!
Lots of love,

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

Hi Liesa,
What a wonderful thing it is that you are dreading the day Cale finishes school and "leaves the nest" far as homeschool is concerned at least! And the reason I say it's wonderful is that I've heard way too many mothers say things like "I'll be so glad when my kids are gone and don't bother me anymore." What a good Mama you have been to both your kids! They'll never forget it! And as for what happens after spring of 2011....well, I'm pretty sure God has some awesome things in store for you to do!

Love you sister! Mississippi

Loretta said...

I only have a couple of years left to homeschool my youngest and I am surely not looking forward to that. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time as a homeschooling mother and am so thankful that God provided that opportunity.

HOPE said...

Oh my...if you need a shoulder to CRY on..just write me. I've been there...and DOING THAT ..STILL! I cry often...God knows...HE knows how much I love my 5 that are all over the world now! Truthfully..with all my g'kids to top!

I could write a book here for are soo right..list it as you did...though true...the days of MOTHERHOOD are forever in your heart and thoughts and dreams and prayers. I am soo glad it never leaves us...

I even dream of mine little again and then wake up...CRYING. can write me...ANYTIME.

HUGS in the year to come..CHERISH THE know already.


Shane and Kristy Davis said...

Awww! That's wonderful. I know that you are such a good momma.... could ya give me some pointers on how to love the homeschooling. My boy does NOT love to be inside, and is obedient, but he dawdles so:) I set the timer on him! He is eight. Is this normal?
Emma, the 6 year old is starting to pick up his bad habits. We are going for a change-up this year. Boy will be doing Bob Jones videos, and I'll be teaching the girl. Please pray that this helps him enjoy school more. If it makes our home a happier place... it's worth it! Hopefully, as I teach one and stay involved in the other, I can give more time to the 4 and 2 year old. Do you have any advice? Hop over to Canadian Chronicles and let me have it:) I sure want to love then and train them for the Lord, as I love what God has called me to do.
I'll pray for you as this chapter of your life closes:) And, I'm sure there are lots of other young mothers that can benefit from your mother's heart.