Friday, August 6, 2010
I Will NOT Cry...I Will NOT Cry...I Will NOT Cry
The time has arrived, what time is that you may ask. My last chapter in Homeschooling. It's bitter/sweet; if there is such a thing. Bitter for me...Sweet for Cale. He is so anxious to be finished with school. Cale has been an excellent student, obedient, hard working, BUT books, writing, and times spent inside is not his idea of a fun day. Noelle was right the opposite. She ADORED and still ADORES books, writing, and time spent inside. When Noelle graduated in 2007, I didn't have this hard of a time. She was planning to take some time off from school and just continue working as a part time nanny and waitress until she figured out what she wanted to do. She had put some applications in at banks and a library, but was still uncertain as to what she would do. I knew she'd still be around; we could still share our love of books, homemaking, movies, etc. I was a bit emotional due to it seeming as if it were just yesterday that she was beginning school, but other than that, I was good. I AM NOT GOOD this time around! IT is over, done with, ca put! Homeschooling is nearing a past life for me, history! My great love is coming to an end. I'm sure I will be blogging a good bit about homeschooling and my love for it and the love I have for being a stay at home mother with my children. ( Writing about it is CHEAP THERAPY!) I am well aware of all the advise that is out there: 1. This time comes to us all. 2. You are still their mother. 3. They will still need you. 4. Now, you can do things YOU want to do. 5. You won't be tied down. 6. Go back to school. 7. Get a job. 8. This is just a part of life. 9. You should feel accomplished and thankful. 10. You HAVE to let go! I do not need advise; I know all of those 10 facts I listed; I just need my babies back! I don't live in La La land. I know that is NOT going to happen. You see, I felt a calling from God to be a wife and mother. It's not popular anymore to JUST be a wife and mother, but I feel like in God's eyes, I have done what I could. I have run my race, I am about to finish my course....in this chapter of it. Being a stay at home wife and mother has never ever been a burden or drudgery. It has been a life-style...my calling in this life. Even when people have tried to discourage me and make me feel inadequate to other women with educations and well paid jobs, I have tried to stand firm and keep my focus on God's will for me and my family. I have said many times that I'd have to step down to be First Lady of this great country. I know I am not going to curl up and die or anything. I know I will not be bored. I know there are many things for me to continue to do as a pastor's wife, mother, daughter, friend, citizen, etc. I just can't imagine loving anything more. I apologize if I'm sounding pitiful. I'm not pitiful, just very emotional at this present time. I won't be crying my eyes out, at least for a while. I don't foresee time to do that until after May of 2011. School begins Monday morning, Cross Country begins Tuesday afternoon. Church activities, family, friends, birthdays, Christmas, Senior portraits, graduation invitations, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and those unexpected activities will keep us all quite busy the next nine months.